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Psychic Field Events Included in '96!

 by Donald W. Gillmore, Licensed Massage Therapist (April 1996, Reprinted by Permission of Zia Sports: Health and Fitness News  Letter)

In a recent interview, US Olympic coordinator for alternative sports, Mr. Rajafar Site, stated that psychic field events would be included in the '96 Olympics in Albuquerque. "They will most certainly be held as exhibition events only. No crystals will be awarded.", he said.

A group of prominent Santa Fe psychics is said to have used up several kharmic lifetimes lobbying at Olympic headquaters. When asked about their possible influence, Mr. Rajafar stated "They had been most especially energetic in presenting their excellently good ideas." He beamed as he added, "the committee had many good vibrations about the upcoming events."

Events to be included are 100, 200, 1000 & 1500 meter astral projection sprints, seated and horizontal levitation, casting horoscopes, reading auras, psycho-kinetic spoon bending,  therapeutic hugging and manifesting ash from Mount St. Hellenes. Special recognition will be given to competitors with the most spiritual teachers.

National teams from the US, Russia, England, India and the  Philippines are expected. Qualifying field trials will be held during Spring Equinox, March 21, 1996. According to Mr. Rajafar, "Any persons most fervently wishing to compete should contact the Santa Fe Advanced  Psychic Phenomena for Youthfulness (SAPPY) office".

A SAPPY person was heard to exclaim, "Finally people will have to take us seriously! We're going to be carried live on ESPN!" Although officials at  ESPN declined to comment, muscle testing done while the officials were declining to speak, definitely indicated that the events might be televised

In a related development, this reporter has learned that noted  debunker of psychic phenomenon, Mr. B. A. Humbug has petitioned the Olympic committee to enter these events as an independent non-psychic. According to his petition, he "intends to prove that someone with little or  no imagination using only slight-of-hand, random chance and a gullible audience can compete on an even footing with 'so called' psychics".

An anonymous source at Olympic committee headquarters has said that  it is unlikely Mr. Humbug will be allowed to compete as an independent competitor. "After all he might make a mockery of all genuine psychic phenomenon and the Olympics.", he whined.
Donald Gillmore  practices therapeutic massage as well as humor, at Earth Spirit Therapies

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